By Katie Tegtmeier (Contributor) – Email
Print Edition: June 20, 2012
I introduce to you for the first time: Mr. and Mrs. Jeff and Sally Smith-Brown-Johnson-Miller-Jones! Is it just me, or has the world suddenly become one hyphenated mess? Women don’t want to give up their last names, so couples decide that adding their names together would be the perfect compromise. I mean, where is the line really? Or in this day and age, does it simply cease to exist?
First of all, I don’t understand how women would not want to take their husbands’ last name. When you got together, it was his name then as it is now, so why suddenly decide it doesn’t suit you? If you have made it so far in a relationship that you decide to take the plunge, you’re supposed to whole heartedly love your partner – including the name.
It’s one thing if the last name is something impossible to pronounce, is easily mistaken for something crude, or is straight up comical. But there aren’t that many of those kinds of names out there. When a woman wants to carry on her family name because she never had brothers to carry it forward, or she is a celebrity, or she has to decide between staying “Sally Brown” and becoming “Mrs. Sally Sillypants,” then of course there are exceptions.
Then we come to those lovely hyphenated names. How impossible is it to decide on one name together? If there is a refusal to compromise on one name, there may be some deeper problems rooted somewhere in your relationship.
Personally, it is not couples initially hyphenating their names that I find wrong. It is when they pass that name onto their offspring. Children should be brought up with a family name that they can be proud of, that they can be identified by, not two or three names entangled into one that they constantly have to explain where each one originated.
Now the positive thing with hyphenated names is that it does give kids a chance to choose which name they feel represents them best. It gives wives the opportunity to be recognized by their childhood friends as whom they have always been known to be. As well, it provides evidence of a marital union without the woman losing her identity. There are definitely positives to hyphenating names, but it still strays from the concept of becoming one in marriage.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24. This quote from the Bible clearly explains the function of marriage: to come together as one. Now, of course I am not assuming everyone has the same views on marriage, but I do believe the majority of people view it as becoming united through a promise of faithful and undying love. The point of marriage is to vow for a closer, lifelong relationship with your partner, which means to somehow outwardly display that to the world, in the form of taking your husband’s last name.
Either way I look at it, I always arrive at the same conclusion. It is custom to receive your husband’s surname because it is logical, it fully represents the commitment of matrimony, and because it unites the family that may possibly follow the union.
In this day and age, women are welcome to keep their last names, or hyphenate them. It is all a matter of perspective as to how it should be addressed. I do not believe that any rules or laws should be put in place for who takes what name once married; but what I do believe is that sometimes old customs should be abided by, because they tend to represent a lot more than the younger crowd gives them credit for.
